Deyana
“So it started back when everybody, everybody was protesting. Me and Channing, we actually hadn't been in contact for like two years, and I texted her one day, and I was like "Hey, we’ve got to do this, like we have to do something here in HEB, because for some reason people are thinking that this has nothing to do with them when it affects everybody." And so, Channing, she's a really big activist. Like, I think that I know of, she has helped with like five protests, and not just in HEB. So, I knew that I needed her help to be able to accomplish this, because I really didn't know that much about protesting. And so, she told me that we needed to come up with a plan, a form of action. So, we've planned three together -- one in Hurst, Euless, and Bedford. Basically, we wanted to speak our minds, get our truth out there, and also give a chance to other people who had something on their mind. So that's why we had that little session of "speak your truth" and we let people who are out there talk. And we felt that it was effective, so that if anyone still had their doubts about there not being racism in the HEB community, they could see that we weren't just making it up, like there were other people that had experienced these things too.
“Channing had figured out a way to email all of the teachers at Trinity. And she had also done the same whenever we went to Hurst. The second protest we held, she emailed all the teachers at Bell High School, basically telling them to come out to this protest and hear what their past and current students had to say. And, yeah, it was kind of disappointing that there weren't a lot of teachers there. And we also faced, I guess, criticism from the Trinity principal -- I don't really know his name, Channing was the one talking to him -- but we told him that we wanted to hold a protest and just meet at his school, and he was being like, "Are y'all gonna like go through the school? I don't want anybody breaking into the school and vandalizing it." And it's like, come on sir. That doesn't make any sense. Like, you have both of our names. She went to school here, you can easily find her, like why would we want to vandalize the school? We want to do this peacefully, we just want to meet here because y'all have a bunch of parking space and this is like the biggest spot in Euless. So, that was it. And he made it really hard, and he even tried to question our motives, and at the protests he was asking me a bunch of questions like, "Don't the police do this?" I was like, "Sir. They don't. Like it might be written down, but they don't actively follow through with the ideals that they're supposed to follow." So yeah that was that. And then right after we left the school, he was nowhere to be seen, and that was discouraging because we're like, sir. These are your students talking to you. And you just don't care. So that was a bit frustrating. But the few teachers that were there, we were really happy to see them. I didn't know who was a teacher that was there. So, yeah, some people told us that they were teachers there and I was like, “Hey that's good.” They're gonna talk to their colleagues about what they experienced and maybe their voice, their small voice will make a difference.
“I haven't faced that much criticism, except from like a few skeptical people, but it's really crazy because growing up in HEB, I started really paying attention to this stuff around junior high, and I started to be... I guess the word is more woke to the situations in our world, and it was just me and Channing. That's how we became friends in junior high, and we talked about this stuff all the time. Tried to figure things out, like, we would have debates. And so, that's when I started to call out the racist behaviors of HEB, and I would talk... It wasn't really, I guess mature of me, but I didn't really know how to properly voice my opinion without anger back then because I was just like, "Wow, everything is racist, what the heck." And so, we faced a lot of backlash from people who were talking about these kinds of things. They'd be like, "you guys are crazy. Y'all are being..." bad words, I don't want to curse. But, yeah, it was interesting to see some of the people that used to disagree with us at the protests and be like, "Wow, like, I'm finally able to see, now that I've gone away from all that" about these issues and how they're really willing to listen and learn from this. And that was really encouraging. So, I haven't lately seen any protests, except from when we were actually marching. I know especially in Hurst, we had a lot of people giving us disapproving nods and heckling us and yelling like weird things like "Who's paying you to do this?" I was like, that's a weird question. Like, you don't get paid to protest.
“So after protests, me and Channing, we've been going to school board meetings, and basically saying "Hey, this is what's going on in your community, your students are trying to tell you what's happening, and it's been going on for far too long." We went through our whole schooling here and have never seen any difference in the way that we're treated. Like, it just kind of got worse throughout the years because we started to realize what was happening. But when you're younger you're just like, "Oh, that kind of sucked." But then when you're older you're like "No, that was racist, that that was more than sucky." So we've been talking to them. And they actually put our concerns on the agenda for the last meeting. So we went to a meeting in June, and then we went to one in July. And we told them about it in June, and at the one in July they put it on the agenda. So, I already can see a change, or an effort to be made. So, yeah, it is surprising because the people on the school board are actively taking steps to make sure that the minority students in this district feel included and don't feel racism, but it seems that it's not trickling down to the teachers and to the students. So that was really interesting to learn. Because at the school board meetings, they talked about all this stuff that they do to help encourage racial equality and how they're going to conferences and whatnot, but they're not requiring their teachers to do the same thing, which is the problem. So maybe we'll see some changes in the next few years. I'm just hoping that whenever my little brother -- he's three -- whenever he starts going through the schooling process, he doesn't have to experience what me and my middle brother experienced.
“I went to Bell for all three years. Immediately, like as soon as I got there, I was like "this is not gonna be for me," but I had to stick through it because that's where I was zoned to. It is weird because I had always gone to schools that were zoned to Trinity, so I knew a bunch of people at Trinity and I was just by myself at Bell for the first year. And I noticed immediately just how racially biased that school was.
When I was a sophomore, it was the election year in 2016, and Trump had gotten elected. And after he got elected, I was sitting at a table with my other Black friend. And we were surrounded by all our white friends and they were talking about the election. We weren't sure what their political views were, so we never talked about it. Like that's the thing, if you're Black and you don't know what your other peers' political stance is, you just don't talk about it. Because you know that if you figure out something upsetting, then it's going to get ugly real fast. So they started talking about Trump, and we're like "Okay, let's change the subject," but then they're like "Why, do you support Hillary??" And we're like, "...yeah," and they're just like, wow, that's crazy. And then they started talking about "We're gonna deport all the Mexican people and immigrant people, and Hillary wants to make women slaves." Somebody said that to us! And we're like, what, no. And then they started chanting Trump. They were like "Trump, Trump, Trump" in the middle of the cafeteria. And it was just us two at that table and she, my friend, she got so mad that she walked away, and the teachers, they were standing right next to us, because we have supervisor teachers in the lunchroom, and they were just kind of watching this all go down, and they didn't say anything to make the students calm down or stop talking about it. But as soon as my friend got upset they went to her, and they're like, "Hey, I know this is upsetting, but you can't get upset at people" and trying to calm her down. But calm down the students that are antagonizing her! Like, that doesn't make any sense. And we also got put on the news for being a school that held a Trump rally as their pep rally. It was American day or some shit like that, and some kid was holding up a Trump 2016 flag. And then you could hear... It was a really intense pep rally because you could hear chants like, "Build a wall! Build a wall!" and after Trump got elected, there were so many fights. It was crazy, so many fights. And you don't really see fights like that at Bell.
“I also was in the choir program. For most of my time there, there were so many microaggressions that were said to me. People would say that the only reason why I was getting solos was so that Ms. A could look like she was holding up to her diversity quota, and that was really upsetting. And whenever we would do performances, in the dark they'd be like "Oh, no one can see you Deyana! They’ll only see you if you smile" and that was upsetting. And whenever she would talk about how we needed to dress for performances, people would automatically look at me and be like, "What are you going to do with your hair? Like, how are you going to be able to tame it?" All the attention would just be on me and how I was different. And it just felt really awkward. And it got to the boiling point in my senior year. People were like, "Oh, she's a nice Black girl, we can talk however we want to her." Because I wasn't very -- What's the word -- confrontational. I was really shy and kept to myself, so I didn't really want to bring any negative attention to myself. And we went on like a New Orleans trip, and people were like, "Oh Deyana this is your home." I'm not from New Orleans, what? We went on like this little boat ride, and there was a raccoon, like in the forest, and they're like, "Oh my God, look, it's a coon! Go Deyana, that's your family!" Like, what the f**k (Sorry, I got angry).
“We went to a zoo. And there was an ape there, and they were like "Oh my god, Deyana that's your uncle over there," and I was just like, Ha. No, that's not okay. And then finally, somebody said -- I can't remember the exact words, but somebody had said -- "Something something something n****rs." And I didn't hear it personally, but then somebody -- she was an underclassman -- she came up to me and she was like, "Deyana I don't know what I should do about this" and she told me about what happened, and I was like "Yeah, enough is enough." So I gathered all the minority students in the a capella choir to talk to the choir director and the assistant director -- so Mrs. A and Mr. Lowe, at the time. We told them about our experiences in the choir program, how students are constantly saying racist things, and how everybody's laughing it off. And how we didn't know how to talk about it because we didn't want to seem like the angry Black girl or Black boy, so we just kind of laughed along with them. But we were tired of that, and we didn't want to do that anymore. As soon as we got into the room, the assistant director was like, "Oh my god, what did I say to offend y'all?" and I was like, sir. He already knew that he probably had said something, so that just means everything. And she said that she was going to handle the situation. And she never did. So I guess that was a tipping point for me, because they just kind of say, "Oh, we love our minority students." And then they don't do anything to help protect them.
“My optimism is when, like I said earlier, we got put on the agenda. And I was like, "Oh snap! Two 19 year olds put something on the agenda… that should have been put on the agenda when we were in kindergarten, but it's okay. It got on the agenda." And also seeing a lot of students that I personally knew that were there to protest, and they're like, "How can we help? How can we do this?" And seeing the world as equally angry as I have been since I was in junior high, and finally everybody's woken up or is starting to wake up to these issues! And maybe something will finally be done. It's sad that my grandmother... she was one of the first kids to be integrated into white schools, and she's kind of still seeing it happen to her granddaughters. The torment from her peers who are different from her. So, I just hope that in the near future -- I may not even see it in my lifetime to be honest, because it's just so engraved into our Constitution, and our laws, and our schools and how they teach, it's so engraved that I don't think I'm going to see it -- but I know that my efforts will lead to a step in a new direction.
“The generations before us, they, they took their big leap. And now we just have to keep taking steps to make it better. That's how I keep myself from going like crazy thinking about, “Oh my god, there's so much that needs to be done.” But then I remind myself that like, there's only so much you can do.
“Channing and I created a coalition called Coalition of Equity Development. And we've been trying to get the legal work done to make it become an actual organization, so that people can donate to it and we can donate to like other charities and do actual activism work. But with the pandemic it's kind of running slow. We can't really do too much to fundraise because we don't want to get anybody sick. We wanted to hold an event right after protests, we wanted to hold an event where we gather people, and have people sing or share their artwork or their spoken word, but it's just not possible right now. And so that's really affected the speed of us becoming a legal organization, because we need to raise a lot of money to have that happen. But yeah, it's just stuff like that. It's just going a lot slower for me personally, but for the whole movement, as a whole, I think it's good that this happened now. Because everyone's bored at home, they have to pay attention -- it's everywhere. So, yeah, it's a good and a bad thing [that there’s a pandemic].
“It's just been really hard to stay motivated, especially since this was my first year in college. And it was the first time I was away from home, and my first semester in college, so it was interesting. And my second semester I was like, "Okay, I'm getting the hang of it," like I was doing so good. And I was managing everything, and I was able to join more clubs. And I started to make friends, and then the pandemic happened, and it just felt for a long time -- and sometimes I still feel this way -- just like everything was hopeless. But I guess activism really gave me purpose, in a way, so I was like, "We gotta do this, we gotta do this, we got to do this" and it's keeping me motivated when I'm not in school. I'm still in summer classes, but it's only two classes and I'm already done with one of them. But whenever we were still in school, whenever the pandemic first happened, I was still pretty active, but I wasn't seeing that many people. So it was just like..... oh, this is not fun. Alone with my thoughts. But, yeah, it's been really hard to stay motivated, but this work has helped me stay motivated because I'm like, if I'm not gonna do it, who's going to?
“Something that's made me angry is the fact that there's still so many people just in disbelief of what's going on, and I'm just like, come on guys, how do you not see it? It's really frustrating because I see it my whole life, and I can see it whenever my parents are talking about their life, and I can see it whenever my grandparents are talking about their life, and it's just like, how can y'all not see it? It's my whole life. Like, to be Black in America, from birth, you're just burdened with racism in this country, and from a young age you have to know your race, and you have to know what that means. It means that you're not going to get the same opportunities as other people because of that. And the fact that people are still like, "No that doesn't happen," or "Stop talking about it," but you can't! This is reality for millions of Black people and brown people. It's just really frustrating.
“I've also, unrelated to this, just been thinking a lot about life and how much we take, we take it for granted. I think before all of this happened, I was just kind of like, it is what it is, whatever. If I die I die, and now I appreciate it more. And I didn't realize how much I had until it all left. And I think that's with a lot of people too, I think people are starting to realize, “Wow... we really had it good.” And we, whenever we get out of this crazy -- whether that be in 10 years or something like that -- people will be more grateful to the world. I think. Maybe they won't, maybe they'll feel like just forgetting in order to go back to normal, But I certainly will. That's the thing. You just gotta try to pay attention to positives and mind whenever it gets negative, or else it's just gonna bring you down all the time.
“Whenever I've talked to the elders, about race in general, it's upsetting because it seems like they just kind of gave up. And they're like, "It is what it is. They gave us a little bit." And they just kind of accepted it, and they had like… a crumb. Like, growing up you're told not to do certain things to affect people in the higher ups, which is generally white males. And it's just really upsetting. My mom calls it "being Negro neutral." So just always knowing when to switch roles, and be professional, and all that jazz. It's just like we shouldn't have to do that, we shouldn't always have to code switch. I think that's the word, code switching. And we have to know how to act from a young age around people, and children shouldn't have to think about that. And it's just really upsetting hearing them talk about it.
“My granny, she talks about when she was a little girl, the KKK were on horses crossing into the Black neighborhoods -- she's from Beaumont -- and they were trying to burn it down, and how all the Black men in the neighborhood had to strap themselves up in rifles to defend themselves from the KKK, and that was in her lifetime. And how my papa, he was a Vietnam veteran, how he had to serve in the war, because he wasn't registered in summer classes. He was in college, and they said, "If you're a student, you don't have to go to war." Well, it was summer break. As soon as it was summer break, they drafted him into the war. He never got to finish college because of that. It's just stuff like that. And my grandma -- she's a bit younger than my other grandparents -- how she had to be integrated into a white school and they would separate the Black students, and they were constantly tormented by the white students and were reprimanded for protecting themselves. It's just stuff like that. It just makes me sad. No one should have to go through that, and we shouldn't... my struggles aren't the same as theirs, but it's from the same problem. And I just hope that the younger generation doesn't have to go through it. Or, I hope that it gets better with each generation. Yeah. There's stories like that I hear from someone and like okay, they got through it, and things have certainly changed from when they were younger. I'm going to get through it. I'm going to help to make sure that things continue to change.”
Quotes edited for clarity.
Deyana is organizing for change in HEB-ISD alongside Channing. They’ve faced some similar struggles, but their joint work is informed by different experiences. View Channing’s profile for more details.
To go back to all profiles, click here.